Sexuality in childhood

Sexuality is often taboo, and many parents are insecure about how to talk to their children about sexuality, gender, body and boundaries. Many parents are simply unprepared for children to have a sexuality, but children are never too young to learn about their own bodies, as long as the adults adapt the content and presentation to the child's age and development.

Children explore and put words to the body

Children are preoccupied with sensing, exploring and discovering the world, and in childhood sexuality is especially about curiosity and interest in learning about the possibilities of the body through play.

Child sexuality is different from adult sexuality because children do not understand what sexuality is or what it means to themselves or others. Sex and sexuality are not the same.

Children are curious and interested in their own and other people's bodies. This can be expressed by studying oneself in the mirror and showing one's body to others, by putting pearls up one's nose or seeing if one can put a stick in one's butt.

By putting the parts of the body into words, children learn to create connections between the different functions of body parts and how the parts of the body feel in different situations.

Questions and answers

Some children are very curious and have a lot of questions about the body. Other children rarely or never ask, and then as a parent you have to bring up the topics you think the child should know something about. Books and films can be a way of having something common and concrete to talk about with your child.

Teaching children the right words for their body and genital parts enables them to notice what feels nice and what feels uncomfortable; speaking up to others; to respect others' boundaries and to ask for help when something hurts or is uncomfortable.

When we respond positively to children's curiosity and interest in their own and other people's bodies, we show that the sexual and sensual aspects of the body are just as okay to ask and talk about as what you can use your arms or ears for.

Games and relationships

Children discover and explore what the bottom and genitals can be used for and touch their own genitals out of curiosity and desire. Some children are very preoccupied with touching themselves and others are not - both are completely normal.Children learn about the world and themselves through play. This of course also applies when it comes to the body, gender and sexuality. Sexual games help children practice setting boundaries in intimate situations and the games must be characterized by voluntariness and curiosity. The games are important for children to learn that other children also have sexual interest and imagination, and what feels good for oneself and for others.

Some games children want to be left alone with, and this is a way for them to feel their privacy. Many adults call it "family game" or "doctor game". Try to be curious and listen to how the games take place, and ask what the games are about and what the children themselves call their games.

Boundaries and consent

All children need to learn that their bodies are their own. This means that the child must learn to feel and express what feels nice and what is unpleasant, and that it is the child itself who decides who is allowed to touch his body.

Children have very different boundares in relation to embarrassment, e.g. when they have to go to the toilet, shower, on the beach, etc. Some children will show great interest in being naked, their genitals and bottoms, pee and faeces, while others will be very private.

You can teach children about body awareness from an early age by putting words to when you, as a parent, touch your child's body when, for example, changing nappies and bathing, and at the same time talking about who is allowed to touch their body in which contexts.

Dialogue with pedagogues and other parents

Children often have many of their most important play relationships in day care, and therefore you as a parent do not necessarily have knowledge of all the games your child plays. It can be awkward for both parents and f.x. kindergarten teachers to talk about, but it can help to give space to the awkwardness.

It can be nice to know the norms and rules of your child's institution for the children's physical and sexual play, and it is always okay to ask the management or the board to put sexuality on the agenda for a parents' meeting,

Families have different norms at home for, among other things, nudity and toilet visits. That is why it can be good to remind yourself that the parents of your child's friend may have different norms than your own, and how to talk about it in a respectful and curious way.